0:01
Erin, welcome to unlearning work, where we empower you to redesign your job by rethinking work habits, behaviors and strategies. I'm your host. Erin Merideth, a work behavior enthusiast and leadership strategist, join me as I explore various work related topics and provide practical insights and real life examples. We'll examine the nature of work from the ground up and deliver bite sized episodes with actionable advice twice a month.
0:34
Hey there. Welcome back to unlearning work, the podcast where we rethink the habits, mindsets and systems that shape how we work so we can actually do more of what matters and less of what drains us. I'm Erin, and today we're talking about a topic that quietly affects performance in every space. Imposter syndrome. Maybe you felt it in your day job. Maybe it creeps in during your side hustle or passion project. Maybe you hear that voice whispering, you are not ready, you're not qualified, you're not good enough. If any of that sounds familiar, take a deep breath. You're not alone. Today, we're unpacking what imposter syndrome really is and how it shows up differently at work and in your business, and most importantly, what to do when it tries to take over. What is imposter syndrome? Really? Well, let's clear something up. Imposter Syndrome isn't a diagnosis. It's a pattern. At its core, imposter syndrome is the internal experience of believing you're not as competent as others think you are, even when there's clear evidence of your skills, and it often sounds like this, I'm just lucky. Someone's going to find me out I have no idea what I'm doing. The behavioral insight behind this is Psychologists call this cognitive dissonance, when there's a mismatch between what we've achieved and what we feel about ourselves, and in that gap, it fuels self doubt, overwork, perfectionism. We can't talk about the imposter syndrome without talking about the imposter cycle, and that's how thoughts, emotions and behaviors reinforce each other. And we've also named what imposter syndrome really is. It's a pattern, not a personal flaw. So let's talk about how that pattern keeps itself alive. Because here's the thing, imposter syndrome isn't just a thought you have once, it's a cycle, one that gets stronger every time you doubt yourself, downplay your success, or push yourself to exhaustion trying to earn your place. Psychologists often use what's called the cognitive triangle to explain how our thoughts, emotions and behaviors interact. And when it comes to imposter syndrome, this triangle is working overtime. Let me break it down. You have a thought like, I don't deserve this role. That thought then triggers an emotion, maybe it's anxiety, shame or fear, and then that emotion drives your behavior. You may over prepare, you stay silent in meetings, or you brush off praise. And what happens that behavior reinforces the original thought, and that triangle spins again. The imposter loop is tightening. Now let me take a real world example so I can show you this in action. So imagine Sarah, she just got promoted to lead a high visibility project at work. From the outside, everyone sees her as capable, but inside her thought is, they must have made a mistake. I'm not qualified for this. That thought then sparks an emotion, anxiety. She's nervous, unsettled and constantly on edge, which leads to a behavior she over prepares to the extreme, working late, redoing work that's already good enough, and avoiding asking for help because she'll afraid it'll expose her. And here's the kicker, when the project does succeed, Sarah doesn't feel relief or pride. She thinks I got lucky again, and just like that, the original thought, I don't belong here gets reinforced. This is the imposter cycle, and it's powerful, but once we see it, we can start to change it, and that's what we're going to dive into next. How each part of the triangle, your thoughts, emotions and behaviors can either keep the impostor pattern going or start to break it. Let's examine this cognitive triangle closer. Let's start with thoughts. That's the cognition, what we think about a situation. These include our interpretations, beliefs, assumptions and internal narratives. Thoughts influence how we feel and what we do, even more than the situation itself. For example, a thought might be, I'm not good enough to lead this meeting. Second we have emotions, which is our feelings. This is what we feel in response to our thoughts or interpretations. They are emotional. Reactions like anxiety, joy, anger, shame or pride. So in our first example, we had the thought, I'm not good enough to lead this meeting. The emotion that comes behind that might be anxiety, Dread, embarrassment. Third in this loop, we have behaviors, which is our actions. What we do is a result of our emotions and thoughts, so behavior can reinforce the thought, even if it's unhelpful, and that behavior, for example, to avoid leading the meeting, can also confirm the original thought. This is what we would call the feedback loop. These elements influence each other in a continuous loop. Thoughts trigger emotions. Emotions influence behaviors. Behaviors reinforce thoughts. So let's look at a vicious cycle. Example. Example. The thought might be, they probably think I don't belong here. The emotion is insecurity. The behavior is, you stay quiet in meetings, which reinforces the thought I don't contribute like everyone else. Well, why does it matter to understand this triangle? Well, it's key for interrupt, interrupting unhelpful patterns like procrastination or imposter syndrome, reframing thoughts to influence emotions positively, and choosing new behaviors that can gradually reshape beliefs. How does imposter syndrome show up at work when you're nine to five, imposter syndrome can be sneaky, because you're surrounded by systems of comparison. You see your colleagues being promoted, speaking up, running meetings, and suddenly you start thinking, I must have slipped through the cracks. And it often shows up in three big ways. The first is over preparing so you stay up, re checking every detail before a presentation. The second way is undervaluing. That is you downplay your success or redirect praise. Oh, it was a team effort. And the third way is avoiding visibility. You don't volunteer, don't speak up, don't apply for the next level, because what if they realize you're not ready? And I'll give you a real world example. A client of mine once told me I've been in this role for three years, but every time I lead a meeting, I feel like I'm pretending that's not a reflection of their capability. It's really a result of that internalized doubt. Now, how does this imposter syndrome in your side hustle show up? Well, in your side hustle or creative business, imposter syndrome can actually feel stronger, and here's why, at work, your title gives you identity. In your business, you are the brand. The stakes feel higher because it's personal, your ideas, your offers, your voice, it's all you, and that makes a self doubt louder, and here's what it can sound like. Who am I to teach this? I don't have enough credentials. I can't charge this. What if no one buys so as an example, you might spend months reworking a sales page, not because it's not ready, but because you're not sure you are. The behavioral insight behind this is, when we attach our worth to outcomes, we make every action feel like a test of our identity, and that's a recipe for avoidance and perfectionism. Well, how do we unlearn this imposter loop? Well, the good news is you don't actually have to cure imposter syndrome. You just have to stop letting it drive the car. So let's be clear, imposter syndrome doesn't just go away when you hit a certain level or land a big client. It tends to evolve with you. So if you've hit a new stage in your career, guess what? New flavors of self doubt. But the goal isn't to eliminate it. The goal is to stop letting it lead you don't need a new personality. You need a new process. So we're going to talk about five ways to unlearn the imposter loop and replace it with grounded confidence and repeatable action. The first way is to name the narrative imposter thoughts are often live in our heads like facts, but most of the time they're just unchallenged stories. So instead of thinking I'm not qualified, try thinking I'm having the thought that I'm not qualified. See the shift you've just created space between you and the story. So before a big presentation or podcast episode, your voice might say, there are people way more experienced than me. Write that down. Say it out loud. Now reframe it. There are more experienced people, and I still have something valuable to say. The
9:34
behavioral insight behind this is called cognitive diffusion. It's a technique from ACT Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that helps people create distance from their thoughts instead of getting tangled up in them or treating them as absolute truths. The goal isn't to get rid of negative thoughts, but to see them as just thoughts, not facts, not instructions, not definitions of who you really are. So. Here's a scenario you have the thought, I'm not good enough to lead this meeting without diffusion, your brain launches onto that thought as a truth, triggering anxiety and avoidance with cognitive diffusion, you observe the thought instead of becoming it. And here's some techniques for you to do that. First technique would be say it out loud, silently. I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough to lead this meeting. That slight change, adding that phrase creates distance between you and the thought. It helps you remember this is just mental chatter, not objective truth. Another technique is to say it in a silly voice, in a cartoon voice, or even sing it to the tune of your happy birthday or your favorite song. So you can sing, I'm not good enough to lead this meeting. I know this sounds really silly, but this helps your brain see the thought just as words, not a command to obey or fear. The third technique is to imagine it on a screen, so you picture the thought on a billboard or floating by like a cloud. You don't have to argue with it, you just notice it and let it pass. So why does this work for imposter syndrome? Well, when you're caught in a posture thoughts, diffusion helps you stop treating those thoughts as truths. It reduces their emotional power and it creates space to choose a more grounded action, even while the thought is still present. So a great way to think about this as a reflection is what's the loudest imposter story on repeat for you, and what would it sound like if you rewrote it? The second technique is to collect the data. Our brains have a negativity bias, and we typically have 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day, and most of them are negative. This is by design. It helps us mitigate any risks, but also we remember the one piece of criticism, but forget the five compliments. So we really need to train our minds to see the full picture. One way to do this would be to create a win file where you save emails, texts, screenshots, even sticky notes with positive feedback, so you can document wins, big or small, and the progress over time and even moments you took brave action. So I have an example. A client of mine was spiraling after launching a new offer. So we opened their win file together and shocked how much progress and praise that they had gotten that visual evidence changed their tone immediately. The behavioral insight behind this is self efficacy increases when we recall past success, the more we see proof, the more our brain believes I can do this. So as a reflection for you, where could you start a win file today? What's one piece of evidence that you that you do belong in the room? The third way is to say it out loud. Imposter Syndrome loves silence. The more we keep it private, the more powerful it feels but when we talk about it with a friend, mentor or coach, we realize we're not the only ones carrying this an example of this happened recently a client once once told me, I'm afraid to raise my rates. I'm not sure I'm worth it. When she said that out loud in a group session, three other people said, Wait, I feel that too. Instant relief, instant perspective. The insight behind this is naming emotions and sharing vulnerable thoughts activates the social brain and calms threat response responses. It's not just helpful, it's healing. So an action you can take this week would be, who could you talk to this week about what you're navigating. What support do you need that you haven't asked for? The fourth insight that you can use is act anyway. Here's the truth, confidence is not a prerequisite. It's a byproduct. Waiting until you feel ready means you might wait forever, but when you act even while dead in you teach your brain I can do hard things even when I'm scared. For example, there maybe there's a podcast episode you recorded even though your voice shook. You might have a first offer you posted with sweaty palms. That's you becoming confident not pretending to be the behavioral insight behind this is we build identity through behavior. The more we act in alignment with who we want to be, the more we believe it a reflection. Prompt for you this week is what's one imperfect action you can take today, one small step your future self will thank you for and finally, redefine success. A lot of imposter syndrome comes from rigid, unrealistic standards. We tell ourselves I should be further along. It has to be perfect. If I mess up, I'll lose all credibility. But what if success look like progress, not perfection? For example, instead of aiming for 1000 podcasts. Downloads. Aim to publish 10 consistent episodes instead of no typos ever. Aim for message delivered. The behavioral insight behind this is redefining goals to be process based rather than outcome based, keeps us engaged and emotionally regulated. An act action for you to take this week is, where are your expectations, quietly reinforcing your imposter syndrome. What does sustainability, self honoring success look like instead? So to recap this episode, you don't need to be free of imposter syndrome to move forward. You need a system to recognize it, challenge it act anyway, build evidence and redefine what success means for you. Confidence isn't the absence of doubt, it's the decision to show up anyways, and that you're more than capable this week, your actions are to one name the narrative. Those imposter thoughts lose power when you say them out loud. Try writing down your inner critic's Greatest Hits and asking, Would I say this to a friend? Probably not. So why say it to yourself? Two, collect the data, create that win, file, folder, journal, whatever you would like. With that positive feedback, completed projects moments you were proud. Review it regularly, let the evidence rewrite your narrative. Three, say it out loud. Talk to someone, a coach, a colleague, a friend. Imposter Syndrome thrives in silence. You'd be surprised how many people around you feel the same way. Four, act anyway. You don't have to feel confident to take action. In fact, action often creates the confidence you're waiting for. Start small, post the content, hit publish. Raise your hand. Each step builds proof, and five redefine success. Success isn't being perfect. It's being in motion. So ask yourself, what would it look like to show up today, not as someone who's certain, but someone who's growing, that's the shift that's want support and structure tools to work through this. Check out our unlearning work app. It was designed for exactly these moments. Inside the app, you'll find downloadable worksheets for every episode, including this one, a mini course on self awareness, feedback and habit change, and weekly updates and reflection prompts to keep you moving forward. You can search for unlearning, unlearning work in the App Store, Google Play, or tap the link in the show notes to get started. Here's what I want you to remember. You don't have to feel like you're enough to start. You just have to start and keep showing up. That's how belief gets built from the outside in imposter syndrome doesn't mean you're not ready. It means you're growing beyond the version of yourself you used to be. So keep growing, keep going, and until next time, keep unlearning what's not working and keep showing up for what is HEY.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
