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Erin, welcome to unlearning work, where we empower you to redesign your job by rethinking work habits, behaviors and strategies. I'm your host. Erin Merideth, a work behavior enthusiast and leadership strategist, join me as I explore various work related topics and provide practical insights and real life examples. We'll examine the nature of work from the ground up and deliver bite size episodes with actionable advice twice a month. Hi there. Welcome back to unlearning work, the Podcast where we explore the messy, fascinating and very human side of leadership and work. I'm Erin, and today we're going to talk about something a little unexpected, and that is what reality TV can teach us about leading teams and driving performance. I recently spent time watching the filming of a reality TV show, and let me tell you, it was a whole different world. Cameras everywhere, producers in headsets, eyes wide open for even the smallest hint of drama. And the cast, they were there, not just to do their jobs, but to perform, to lean into every laugh, every tear, every moment of tension. What struck me most was how deliberate it all was. Conflict wasn't just tolerated. It was encouraged. In fact, it was orchestrated. If there wasn't enough drama, producers would nudge things along. Ask them about the fight you had last week, or what did you really think when they said that the tears, the arguments, those weren't accidents. They were a fuel for the storyline. Because in the world of reality television, that's what hooks us in now. Compare that to our typical workplace environment, most of us are taught to do the opposite. Keep your emotions in check, keep the peace, focus on the numbers, the deliverables, the next deadline. We're rewarded for smoothing things over and steering clear of anything that might rock the boat. But here's the kicker, conflict and drama in the workplace don't just magically disappear because we want them to. In fact, they're part of every team dynamic. We just hide them behind polite smiles and forced consensus, and this is where behavioral science really comes into play. Psychologists have long studied social desirability bias, the tendency for people to act in ways that make them look good or agreeable, even when they don't actually feel that way. In other words, we're conditioned to avoid visible conflict because we think it's more professional, more acceptable. But the reality TV set shows us another side, that conflict isn't inherently bad. It's not a sign of failure or dysfunction. It's a sign that something real is happening, something that can draw people in, create deeper engagement and fuel performance. So next time you're in a meeting or leading a project, take a moment to pause and notice where is the real tension here? What's not being said out loud, but that's everyone's feeling. Instead of immediately smoothing it over, get curious. You don't have to create conflict, but you can invite honest conversations and see what fresh energy or ideas might emerge. Let's start with the story of the server and the science of engagement. One of the most unforgettable moments on that reality TV set was watching a server break down in tears. She was in the middle of her shift, plates and hands customers waiting, but there she was crying in a typical workplace, this would have been a problem to fix. HR might step in, or a manager would pull her aside for a quiet word. But on set, those tears weren't a crisis. They were gold. The cameras zoomed in. Producers whispered urgently into headsets. That moment of raw emotion became the turning point of the episode. What's fascinating is how that drama drew everyone in even me is an observer, there's something undeniably magnetic about real emotion, and there's a reason for it. It's called the arousal theory of motivation, which tells us that heightened emotion like tears or frustration activates the brain's attention centers. It actually triggers the release of dopamine and norenephrine chemicals that literally make us sit up, tune in and care. We stayed in reality TV because it's obvious it's there. Tears become storylines. But in the workplace, we often brush these moments aside, telling ourselves, let's not make it a big deal, or let's keep this professional. So why this is useful in the workplace is these emotionally charged moments can actually be powerful catalysts. They can spark focus and engagement, not because we're chasing drama, but because they tap into the very human part of us that wants to be seen and understood. So the next time someone in your team shows real. Emotion, maybe frustration, maybe excitement. Don't immediately shut it down. Try saying, I'm noticing how much this matters to you. Can you share more? You'll be surprised how this small shift can turn discomfort into connection in workplaces that are truly innovative, those places where new ideas thrive. Conflict isn't just a side effect. It's necessary. But let's be clear, this isn't about yelling matches or toxic behavior behavior. This is about constructive conflict, that kind that happens when people with different perspectives challenge each other respectfully and thoughtfully, and there's behavioral science to back this up. Charlyn Nemeth, research on minority influence shows that when someone dares to voice a dissenting opinion, it jolts the group out of autopilot. It forces everyone to slow down, question assumptions and think more deeply. And if you've ever been in one of those meetings where everyone politely nods and agrees only for the project to flop later. You know why this matters? Conflict can feel uncomfortable, but it's often the sign that real thinking is happening. So this week, invite a contrarian perspective in your next brainstorm or meeting, say, let's hear from someone who sees it differently. We're not looking for agreement, we're looking for depth, and then sit back and watch how that conversation expands. Performance is more than numbers. So let's talk about what we actually mean by performance. So in most workplaces, performance means the numbers, KPIs, deliverables, the bottom line, and yes, that matters, but on that reality TV set, I noticed another layer the story. The server didn't stop serving tables just because she was crying. She kept going. She was still delivering, still showing up. But the performance wasn't just in the plate she carried, it was in how she navigated her emotions and how she kept moving through the moment, how she became part of the story that everyone around her was suddenly rooting for. The behavioral science calls this narrative framing, how we make sense of what's happening by telling ourselves the story. It's not just about the task, it's about the meaning we attach to it, and when we do this in the workplace, it taps into what self determination theory calls the three core motivators, autonomy, competence and relatedness. And this is useful in the workplace as it's a reminder that people just don't want to do the work. They want to feel part of something bigger. They want to see the story they're part of. So the next time you're updating your team on progress, don't just list numbers. Share the bigger why? What are each really trying to achieve? How is this work connected to something that matters? Let them see the story, not just the stats.
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How can we harness conflict as fuel. Well, let's get specific about what kind of conflict actually helps team. So behavioral science distinguishes between two types. Affective conflict. That's that personal, emotional tension, think like I don't like you. Cognitive conflict, that's about the work itself. I see this differently because I have another angle. It's the second kind that cognitive conflict. That's the secret sauce for innovation. So research by Kathleen Eisenhart shows that when teams embrace these idea based disagreements, they generate more creative, effective solutions. It's not about who's right or who wrong. It's about finding the best possible answer together. It's permission to let your team disagree, as long as it's done with curiosity and respect. That's how we get to breakthroughs. So in your next team discussion, watch for cognitive conflict. When it shows up. Reinforce it by saying, I love that you're seeing this differently. Let's explore that more. These signals to your team that these conversations aren't just allowed, they're how do we bring this into our leadership? Well, the behavioral science backed approach is name the tension. Don't pretend everything's perfect. Highlight the stakes, what's real, what's at risk. Be honest about what's hard or uncertain, and don't pretend everything's fine if it's not. The second thing you can do is normalize healthy conflict. Create safety around idea based disagreements. Let people know it's not only allowed, it's encouraged. Let your team know that different ideas aren't dangerous, they're valuable. And third, tell the story. Use narrative framing stories create coherence and purpose, turning chaos into a shared mission. Don't just list tasks or deadlines, connect them to a narrative of progress, growth or shared purpose. These three steps come straight from what we know about psychological safety and motivation. People want to feel seen safe and. Part of something that matters. So this week, in a team meeting or project review, do a tension check. Start by saying, Here's where what's feeling challenging right now and why that's actually important for us. Watch how it opens up dialog and deepens trust. I once worked with a leader who mastered this balance beautifully. She was leading a high stakes product launch, lots of moving pieces, lots of risk, but instead of pretending everything was smooth, she would start each meeting by sharing, here's what's at stake. Here's what's keeping me up at night. That honestly did something powerful. Instead of scaring her team, It energized them. They felt trusted, they felt needed. Behavioral Science calls this the social identity effect. When people feel part of a bigger mission, they rise to meet it. It's proof that leaders who share the real story warts and all, don't weaken trust. They strengthen it, because people feel like they're in it with you. So try opening up your next meeting with here's the real challenge I see, and here's why I think we can tackle it together. Let your team know they're not just there to do a job. They're there to co create the outcome. How do we balance all this trauma and psychological safety? It's really the final piece of the puzzle, and that's the balance. So behavioral science researcher Amy Edmondson works on psychological safety, which tells us that people need to feel safe to speak up. Drama and tension are only useful if people trust that their voices matter. So yes, embrace healthy tension, but also be clear, no personal attacks, no blame. This is about the work, not about tearing people down. It's how you create a team that can disagree productively without spiraling into defensiveness or resentment. So when your next one on one or team check in, ask what would make you feel even safer to share your ideas or concerns here, listen and then act on what you hear. So far, we've talked a lot about leaders, but those who aren't in leadership roles yet, how can you invite this tension, share the story and harness conflict as fuel and what if you're not the person in front of the room? What if you're just starting out or working on your own side hustle, or trying to find your voice in a bigger organization. Well, here's the thing, you don't need to have a leader title to use these insights. In fact, behavioral science shows that anyone can shape their environment around them by how they show up in moments of tension and drama. So let's think about this for a second. In reality TV, it's not always the star of the show who grabs our attention. Sometimes it's the person in the background who says something real, or steps into the moment with authenticity. The same thing happens in workplaces and in personal projects. The most powerful shifts often come from those who are willing to name what's real, even if they're not in charge. Behaviorally, this taps into a concept called informal influence. Researchers have found that influence doesn't come up just from taught job titles. It comes from how we share our ideas, how we model curiosity and openness and how we invite others to do the same. So why is this useful, even if you're not in charge, because you can set the tone for healthy conflict and narrative no matter where you sit. You can show that it's okay to have different perspectives and that the real story is worth telling, even if it's messy. So next time you're in a meeting, a group chat or even a personal brainstorm, try this if you see tension or drama, don't immediately shut it down or feel like you have to solve it. Instead, say, I'm noticing there's something real here. What are we all seeing that's different? Or, if you're working alone, write down, what's the real tension in this project? For me, how could leaning into it help me grow these small questions can spark a ripple effect, creating a culture of curiosity, honesty and shared purpose from wherever you sit and remember, Leadership isn't just a title, it's a set of actions, habits and mindsets available to anyone who wants to Make Work feel more real, more engaging and more human. As we wrap up, here's your behavioral science inspired challenge. So next time you're leading a team or a project, ask yourself, where's the real drama, the tension that could spark innovation. How can I share that tension openly, turning it into a story that invites people in. How can I make it safe for people to join that story so they feel connected, not just compliant. This isn't just a fun exercise. It's a way to turn every project into an opportunity for deeper connection, creativity and growth. So pick one of these actions today, maybe naming the tension in your next. Meeting or inviting a contrarian viewpoint and noticing what shifts, let that small act be your first step in unlearning the old rules of work. Because whether you're leading in a workplace or filming a reality television show, performance isn't just what you do, it's how you make people feel. It's how you build connection and unlock new possibilities. Thanks for joining me on unlearning work. If today's episode sparked something for you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Drop a note, send a message, or share your own story of turning conflict into fuel. And if you're curious about how to harness these behavioral insights in your own leadership, download our unlearning work app, and let's just connect. I'd love to help until next time, keep inviting in the drama, keep telling The story, and keep unlearning what no longer serves you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
