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Erin, welcome to unlearning work, where we empower you to redesign your job by rethinking work habits, behaviors and strategies. I'm your host. Erin Merideth, a work behavior enthusiast and leadership strategist, join me as I explore various work related topics and provide practical insights and real life examples. We'll examine the nature of work from the ground up and deliver bite size episodes with actionable advice twice a month.
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Welcome back to Season Two of the podcast. If you're returning, I'm really glad you're here again, and if this is your first time listening, you're welcome to join us. This season is about making sense of work. We will start with not fixing it, not rushing to change it, but understanding it more clearly. Because when work feels heavy, confusing or exhausting, understanding is often the first thing that helps.
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I want to start with something many people feel, but don't always say you don't hate your job. You're just tired in a way that doesn't go away. You leave work, but you're still thinking about it. You replay conversations. You wonder if you said the wrong thing. You wake up already feeling tense. One listener I have will call her Sarah, said it feels like work is still running in her head, even when she's home. For her, that meant checking messages one last time. For others, it might mean thinking about tomorrow before falling asleep. Many people think this means something is wrong with them, but often it has more to do with the system they work in than who they are. So when work follows you home, my question to you is, what are you usually thinking about?
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Before we go any further, I too, I want to slow down this for a moment, because when I say unlearning work, I don't mean something dramatic. I mean something much simpler and much more doable. So unlearning work doesn't mean quitting your job or caring less, it means stopping long enough to notice why you work the way you do, where your habits come from, which habits help and which ones just feel normal.
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Most of us were never taught how to work in a clear or healthy way. We learned by watching others. In Sarah's case, she always came to meetings very prepared. She had extra notes. She had back up plans and answers were ready before anyone asked. She thought that was just being responsible. Later, she realized she learned this in a job where expectations changed often. So being prepared helped her avoid getting blamed. That habit helped her, then unlearning work means asking, do I still need this habit? Now
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for you, what is one thing you always do at work without thinking about
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and here's the important part, most of the habits we carry at work didn't come out of nowhere. They were shaped by the system we were working in at the time. So let's talk about that system, because every workplace has a system. That system teaches people how to act, even if no one explains it. For example, if a meeting always runs long, people stop planning quiet work time. If fast replies get praised, then everyone rushes to respond. If speaking up causes problems, then people stay quiet, so no one has to say these rules out loud, but people learn by watching what happens. For Sarah, she worked on a team where no one said you must always be available, but messages were always answered right away. Emails came late at night and not replying felt risky, so she checked often, not because she wanted to, but because that's what worked, that's not weak boundaries, that's learning the rules of the system. So for you, what seems to matter most at your job, even if it's never written down
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once you take the time and start noticing the system, something else becomes clear. We didn't learn how to work from a class or a handbook. We learned by watching what worked and adjusting ourselves to fit so many of our work habits starts as way to protect ourselves so people might over prepare when goals aren't clear. Take lots of notes when decisions change or say yes, when saying no once caused trouble. So for Sarah, she reread her emails many times before sending them. She thought that meant she lacked confidence. But in past jobs, small mistakes were pointed out in public, her carefulness wasn't a problem. It was learned. So when you understand this, you can ask a gentler question, do I still need this habit here and for you? Is there something you do at work that feels tiring but once helped you?
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And this is where things can start to feel heavy, because when old habits.
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Stay in place long after the system changes, work can feel harder than it needs to be.
5:08
Work often feels heavy when effort doesn't lead to clear results. For example, you finish something then here that's not what we wanted. Priorities change without warning. Feedback is unclear or confusing. For Sarah, she described working hard all day and still feeling unsure if she did the right work. Over time, she started doubting herself. From the outside, it looked like hesitation. On the inside, it felt like guessing. That's not about having skill, that's about unclear work. So where do you feel most unsure, most often at work,
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and when work feels like this? For a long time, most people turn inward. They assume the problem is them. But there's another question worth asking here.
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A helpful question is, what does this workplace usually create? In Sarah's job, the system created fast replies instead of deep thinking, busy schedules instead of clear goals, agreement instead of honest questions. Once she saw this, she stopped blaming herself. She didn't fix the system, but she understood it, and that alone made work feel less personal. So if you've watched your workplace from the outside, what patterns would you notice? And just asking that question can change how work feels, not because everything is fixed, but because things make more sense, and that clarity matters.
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Seeing work more clearly doesn't mean you suddenly like everything about your job. It doesn't mean the work becomes easy and it doesn't mean real problems go away. What it does mean is this, you stop guessing all the time. When people understand the system they're in, a few important things start to happen. First, people stop taking everything personally. If a meeting is unclear, they don't jump to I must not be good at this. Instead, they think this meeting isn't set up well. If priorities change, they don't assume they failed. They notice that the system allows priorities to change without warning. That shift alone can lower stress.
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Second, people get clearer about where their energy goes. Sarah told me that once she understood her system, she stopped trying to be perfect, everywhere. She noticed when things actually mattered and which things just created noise. She still worked hard. She just worked with more purpose. Instead of asking, what else should I be doing? She started asking, what is the system really asking from me right now? That helped her decide when to slow down, when to speak up, when good enough was actually enough.
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Third people stop caring things that aren't theirs. Many people take on confusion from unclear goals, stress from poor planning, pressure from missing decision decisions, seeing work clearly helps you separate those to what is my responsibility and what belongs to the system. I'll
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use an example here of performance reviews. Many of my clients right now are going through performance reviews. Performance reviews and giving performance reviews themselves. So let's talk about those. Performance reviews are a good example of this. So many people leave reviews feeling confused or disappointed because they hear things like, you're doing great, but you need to be more strategic. You're strong, but you need more visibility. In here, there are no clear examples and no clear next steps. So when people don't understand the system, they assume I must not be doing enough. So they try to work harder, they add more hours, they second guess everything. But when you see the system more clearly, you can ask different questions. You might notice, well, the review process is vague. Managers aren't trained to give clear feedback, and ratings are compared across different roles.
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This doesn't mean the feedback doesn't matter, but it means the system makes it hard to be specific. Sarah realized her review they weren't about her effort or ability. They were about unclear expectations. So once she saw that, she stopped trying to guess what better meant. Instead, she asked clearer questions, like, what does success look like in this role? What would make my work more visible? What would you like to see more of in the next month or quarter,
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she didn't change who she was. She changed how she understood the system, and that made performance reveal reviews feel less scary and less personal. So for you, what changes when you see work clearly?
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For Sarah, nothing that we're.
10:00
Answer suddenly became perfect, but inside, something shifted. She felt less pressure to prove herself all the time. She made decisions with more confidence. She stopped carrying stress that wasn't hers, and work felt lighter, not because it was easier, but because it made more sense. So for you, is there a piece of feedback or a review you've taken personally that might make more sense if you looked at the system behind it?
10:28
And before we wrap up, I want to pause here, because understanding work more clearly is already a step forward, even if nothing changes right away.
10:39
Let's pull this all together today. We talked about how most of us never learned how to work on purpose. We learned by watching what worked around us. We learned by adapting to systems that were often unclear or changing. We talked about how those systems shape our habits, how they teach us when to speak up, when to stay quiet, and how much is enough, and how those habits can stay with us even when the system changes. We also talked about what happens when work feels heavy, how unclear goals, shifting priorities and vague feedback can make people doubt themselves, and how that doubt often comes from the system, not from a lack of ability.
11:20
Unlearning work doesn't start with big changes. It starts with noticing. Instead of asking, what's wrong with me? You ask, what about this system makes my reaction make sense? That question can bring relief, because it helps you separate who you are from how work is set up. It reminds you that many of your responses were learned for good reasons, and it gives you a clearer place to stand. You don't need to fix anything today. You don't need a plan yet. Understanding the system you're in already is a good first step. So for you, what is one thing about your work that makes more sense now,
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before we close today, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for listening, thank you for taking this time for yourself, and thank you for being willing to think about work in a different way. If you're continuing with me this season, I'm really glad you're here, and I'll see you in The next episode. You
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