Erin Merideth 0:01
Erin, welcome to unlearning work, where we empower you to redesign your job by rethinking work habits, behaviors and strategies. I'm your host. Erin Merideth, a work behavior enthusiast and leadership strategist. Join me as I explore various work related topics and provide practical insights and real life examples. We'll examine the nature of work from the ground up and deliver bite size episodes with actionable advice twice a month.
Erin Merideth 0:30
Here's something that properly sounds familiar. You send a message at work. You explain your thinking, you feel clear. The reply comes back short or confusing or tense, you reread your message and think what just happened, or you're in a meeting, someone pushes back again, asks questions you feel like you've already answered, and slows things down, and your brain says, Yep, I know how this goes. That's today's episode. It's about the moment right before that thought takes over, and how a short pause can change the whole interaction. This isn't a leadership thing. It's a human brain thing. Our brains are built to move fast. They like shortcuts. When you work with the same people over and over, your brain decides who's helpful, who's difficult, who slows things down, who always pushes back. That helps you save energy, but it also means your brain stops checking the facts. The key idea is, the more familiar someone is, the quicker your brain decides who they are, and the less curious you become. You're not trying to judge. You're not being unfair. Your brain is just saying. I've seen this before. The problem is, people are more than one pattern. There are a few simple things going on behind the scenes. First, your brain likes to prove itself right. Once it picks a story, it looks for examples that support it. Second, when something feels frustrating, your brain shifts into protect mode, that makes you faster but also narrower. So instead of seeing the whole situation, you see the parts that confirm your frustration. There are a few simple things going on behind the scenes. First, your brain likes to prove itself right. Once it picks a story, it looks for examples that support it. Second, when something feels frustrating, your brain shifts into protect mode that makes you faster but also narrower. So instead of seeing the whole situation, you see the parts that confirm your frustration. Think of someone you work with who frustrates you. Maybe they ask too many questions. They want more time. They push back in meetings, they seem overly cautious. Your inner voice might say they don't trust me. They're making this harder, they just don't get it. That story feels real, but it's only part of the picture. So there's a simple pause that helps in the situation and why it works, a small exercise that interrupts your brain's shortcut. So before your next conversation with that person, try this step one rate how well they do their job on a scale from one to 10. Just pick a number. Here's why this matters. When you put a number on it, your brain has to slow down. You move from reacting to thinking you're no longer just feeling frustrated. You're evaluating step two, ask this question, why isn't this number lower? This is the important part your brain expects you to explain what's wrong. But this question flips the task. Instead of listing problems, your brain has to search for value that does three things. First, it breaks the automatic story. Your brain can't say they're terrible without checking the facts. Two, it widens your view. You start noticing things you normally skip. For instance, what they're responsible for, what pressure they're under, what they do well, even if it's annoying. And three, it calms your nervous system. When your brain sees more than one side, it shifts out of fight mode. You show up less tense even before you speak. You don't have to like how they work to understand why they matter. Why does this work in real life? Well, studies show that when when people are asked to look for reasons against their first opinion, they make better decisions, they overreact less and they communicate more clearly. So you're not talking yourself out of your point. You're giving your brain more information to work with, and this changes what. You're going to say. So let's say someone keeps questioning your plan without the pause. You might think they're undermining me. After the pause, you might realize they're worried about what happens if this fails. So now your response can change. Instead of we've already covered this, you can say it sounds like you're worried about what could go wrong. Let's walk through that same topic, different tone, better results. When you start to understand what someone is trying to protect or prevent, you stop taking things so personally. Conversations feel less tense, and pushback feels more workable. So you're no longer fighting the person you're working with the situation. And that's not a leadership trick. That's a life at work skill. This matters most with people you've known a long time, because history hardens stories. You think I already know how this goes. Nothing ever changes. Why bother? And that might be true, they may not change, but when you pause and widen the view, you create new options, and that alone can shift the dynamic. So this isn't about being nicer, giving in, avoiding hard conversation. This reframe is simply seeing another perspective that doesn't weaken you, it makes you smarter about how you respond, because clarity beats force every time. So try this once this week. Pick one person, your person you're bracing for this week. So before you talk to them, notice the story you're telling yourself. Do the rating exercise and name one thing they do. Well, adjust how you start the conversation. That pause takes minutes, but it can save hours of stress. And if work feels heavier than it should, it might not be because you're doing it wrong. It might be because your brain decided the story too fast. Sometimes the most helpful move isn't doing more, it's pausing long enough to see what you missed. If this episode felt familiar, you're not alone. Share it with someone who might need this Pause too. You
