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Erin, welcome to unlearning work, where we empower you to redesign your job by rethinking work habits, behaviors and strategies. I'm your host. Erin Merideth, a work behavior enthusiast and leadership strategist, join me as I explore various work related topics and provide practical insights and real life examples. We'll examine the nature of work from the ground up and deliver bite size episodes with actionable advice twice a month.
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Hello and welcome to the unlearning work Podcast. Today, I want to talk about something that shows up in almost every organization. It's not about strategy, it's not about productivity, and it's not about talent. It's about the story your brain tells you about what is happening at work, because those stories quietly shape how we participate, how we show up, and sometimes whether we show up at all.
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One of the biggest barriers people face at work is not capability, it's interpretation, not what actually happened in the meeting, not what someone actually meant, but the story your brain tells you about what just happened. Those stories influence whether we speak up, whether we ask a question, whether we decide our idea is worth sharing. And the tricky part is that those stories feel completely reasonable. They feel like common sense, but many of them are not based on what is happening right now. They're based on experiences we had somewhere else, sometimes years ago. Once you start noticing this pattern, something becomes clear. A lot of the limits people feel at work are not about skill. They're about interpretation. They're about the story the brain is telling
1:46
for context. Let's start with a situation most professionals recognize you're in a meeting. Someone is presenting an idea, and something about it doesn't quite add up to you. You think of a question that might help clarify things, but before you say it out loud, your brain runs through a quick internal checklist. What if I misunderstood something? What if everyone else already understands this? What if I sound uninformed? So you stay quiet, the meeting moves forward, and five minutes later, someone else asks almost the exact same question you were thinking, and the response is good question, that moment, that moment happens in organizations every day, and most of the time. It isn't about capability. It's about hesitation. It's about the brain trying to protect us from a social risk. But meetings aren't the only place this happens. The same pattern shows up in a lots of everyday interactions at work.
2:43
Here's another one to look at. Imagine you send a message in Slack to a colleague or a leader. You're asking for input on something, they reply with a short message. Let's discuss. That's it. Two words, and suddenly your brain fills in the rest. Did I miss something obvious. Are they unhappy with what I sent? Did I create a problem? But the reality might be much simpler. They might be be between meetings. They might prefer talking things through. They might just want more context, but the brain tends to interpret ambiguity as risk, so we fill in the gaps with a story.
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Another example happens in everyday hallway interactions. You see a senior leader briefly in the hallway or at the end of a call, they give a short answer or move quickly. Later, your brain starts replaying the moment. Did I say something strange? Did they seem annoyed? Did I miss something important? Meanwhile, that leader might simply be late for their next meeting, but the brain often assigns meaning to neutral interactions.
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Many people carry around what I think of as meeting echoes. At some point earlier in their career, they spoke up in a meeting or with a person in the hallway, like the leader, and the response didn't land. Well, maybe someone corrected them abruptly, maybe a manager shut the idea down quickly. Maybe the moment felt awkward or embarrassing, even if it lasted only a few seconds, the brain remembers the emotional impact, so years later, when a similar moment appears, the brain quietly says, Let's not risk that again. Even if the current situation is completely different, it's a different company. You have different leaders, different expectations, but the brain just recognizes the pattern and tries to protect you.
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You can also hear this pattern and how people start their sentences. Someone might say, this might be a dumb question, or I could be wrong, but or sorry if I'm missing something, these phrases are extremely common. They're verbal safety mechanisms. They soften the risk of speaking up, but they also weaken the message before it even lands. Compare these two versions. Version one, this might be dumb, but are we sure?
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Timeline works and version two. Can we double check whether the timeline works? Same idea, very different level of clarity.
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The key shift is realizing that many of these reactions are automatic. Your brain is not trying to hold you back. It's trying to protect you. The brain constantly scans for social risk, embarrassment, conflict, rejection. If something reminds it of a past, uncomfortable experience, it tries to steer you away from repeating that moment. But the brain has a limitation. It doesn't always distinguish between past, risky and present reality. That's why one of the most powerful leadership skills is learning to question your first interpretation. Instead of immediately believing the thought, pause and ask, what evidence do I actually have that this is true? For example, if the thought is people will think this idea is wrong. Ask yourself, what evidence do I have that that's how this group usually reacts. Often, the evidence is surprisingly thin, maybe one moment years ago, maybe an assumption. Once you examine the thought, it loses some of its authority.
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Once you recognize the pattern, the next step is not forcing yourself into every conversation. The goal is to experiment gradually. Think of it like building a leadership muscle. You don't start with the heaviest weight in the gym. You start with the smaller reps. So this is a small question in your next meeting. Try asking one clarifying question, something simple, like, can you walk us through how that connects to the rollout timeline? You're not challenging the idea you're helping the group think more clearly.
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Another easy way to participate is sharing observations. For example, you could say, I'm noticing we're discussing two different timelines. Are we trying to align them? Statements like that often help the room move forward. And if speaking up verbally still feels like a big step. There's another tool people often overlook, and that's the connections you can make in the chat in virtual meetings, especially that chat window creates a low pressure way to participate. For example, if someone puts in a good idea or says something about a customer timeline, you can add a plus to that point, or you can put post something like quick question, does this timeline include the testing phase or even that example from the Seattle rollout is helpful for context? These small signals do a few things. They show engagement, they help the conversation move forward, and they allow you to participate while you're still building comfort speaking up verbally. Many leaders actually watch the chat closely during meetings, so those small signals often have more visibility than people realize.
7:51
Another tool professionals are starting to use in interesting ways is AI not just to write things, but to pressure test thinking before conversations or decisions. For example, if you're preparing for a meeting where another department is presenting a proposal, you might ask, here's the proposal they're presenting. What questions might someone from finance ask about this? Or what risks might operations see in this plan that helps you anticipate how this conversation might unfold. And you can also use AI to challenge your own thinking. For example, this is the argument I'm planning to make in a meeting. What counter arguments might someone raise, or what assumptions might someone question in this plan?
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And but you could also use this for even reflecting on patterns. For example, this is how I spent most of my time in meetings this week. What role does this suggest I'm playing on the team? And by the way, the goal isn't to get the perfect answer, it's to expand the range of perspectives you consider before you walk in the room.
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Here's a simple exercise you can try this week. The next time you hesitate in a meeting or conversation at work, pause and ask yourself three questions. One, what story is my brain telling me right now? Two, what evidence actually supports that story? And three, what evidence might suggest a different interpretation. Then experiment with one small contribution, ask a question, offer an observation, add something in the chat, or follow up with someone afterwards, not to prove something about yourself, just to practice this skill. Because Leadership isn't about personality. It's about expanding your range of behaviors over time.
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In closing, your brain will always try to protect you. That's part of being human, but the stories it creates are not always accurate. Many of them come from moments that happened years ago in completely different environments. Growth starts when we begin questioning those stories, not aggressively, not all at once, just one interaction at a time.
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If this episode made you notice a story your brain might be telling you at work that awareness alone is a powerful first step. If you'd like to explore more of these patterns, you can find additional resources and tools at unlearning work. And if someone came to mind while you were listening, someone who might benefit from this perspective, feel free to share the episode with them, because sometimes the biggest shift in leadership starts with one different thought. You
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you you.
